Experiencing mixed feelings about life

It's been quite a time I wrote a blog. Since the past month, my life has changed a full 180 degrees. I was somewhere and ended up in a completely different world. Well, not to be enigmatic, but that is what happened and I'm totally unsure of whether to be happy or not about it or just accept the fact that it's not just me who has ended up here but almost everyone pass through such a phase. I am talking about my hostel life. It's  not as easy or enjoyable as people thinks it is. Well, to be more specific, I'm currently doing my Postgraduation in Political Science from Banaras Hindu University, Varanasi and it's  the first time I am staying at a place all alone by myself. To many of you, it might sound ridiculous cause it's  not a big deal but try reminding yourself the first time you stepped out of your home all alone. The sudden increase in responsibility for yourself and your belongings is stressful, to be honest. To be able to include yourself in a different culture is difficult especially if it's nothing similar to you. I always had a keen interest about different cultures and now, north Indian culture is the one I have adopted or, basically, I'm compelled to adopt. 

Anyway, I'm not going to frame a comparative analysis of my life at Presidency University, Kolkata with that of now, because, definitely,  home town is gonna win. But I thoroughly miss my city, my college and the people there. Landing at the Kolkata railway station/airport gives me a sense of peace and freedom that I can assure, no other place in the world, could ever give me. 

I don't know why people say hostel life is fun because it gives you freedom. I have freedom here but I can't or don't utilize it because responsibilities and fears subside the freedom. And after all the monotonous daily chores, you basically are left with no energy or interest to enjoy or utilise your freedom. But, perhaps, that's good. Maybe, that reduces distraction. I'm trying to find out more time for myself to be able to read books, paint, create doodles, write blogs, read articles and research upon different issues. And trust me, these are something that keeps my mental health at a great state. I love being busy. It blocks negative thoughts. And currently, whatever I do, will have a purpose, because there's  something I really need to work hard for.

Well, I have my mid-semester tests next month. Gonna study. Wish me luck. Bye.

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